Words are power tools

Do what you love...always

start of fall?
pretty smile
It's the middle, well end of the middle of August and school has just started. But it feels like summer, not fall. In the fall, I am most productive and have a serious routine, which I stick to no matter what, really I love a strong routine, it helps to balance out my crazy-busy life.

So today, being the second day of school I tried my best to jump start my tyipcal routine, nope, it didn't take.

It's already 1:30 and I am only checking e-mails, blogs and other various sites, that I normally check in the morning. I did everything backwards today. Hopefully, by tomorrow I can be back to my old self, writing first thing in the morning, checking all of my internet business in the morning and back to spending my time with baby boy after his naps. Oh and squeeze in a work out and lunch in between. Ah, tomorrow!

words, and more words
pretty smile
I'm inching closer nd closer to actually understanding what is going on in my own book. *sighs* that is a true relief, I thought I would never figure it out. I know how I want it to end but the reasons behind the story, that little bit of knowledge I was lacking, until today. It felt like a light blub going off inside my head, like one of those old cartoons. So now I need to plug away, words at a time until I reach the end. Back to work.

need a change
long hair
I'm in one of those moods, I want to cut off all of my hair. I haven't had a proper haircut in over a year, it's to the middle of my back, and very unhealthy looking. It's so sad too. I use to have such gorgeous hair, but then I had this whole crazy idea of being different and I tried to go blond. *sighs* Oh, what a huge mistake that was! I'll spare you the hysterics. I only left the color, or lack of color, in it for a week. I died it back brown, but by then the damage was done and my hair hasn't forgiven me since.

Now, I sit here wanting to pick up the phone and get it hacked off for bad behavior.

Maybe, if I get it cut up to my shoulders, it will behave and look healthier too.

Hmmm, not sure if I'm ready for such a drastic change...I might want to sit with this idea for a day or two, or just pick up the car keys and do it!

Where are my dam keys!

word blockage
pretty smile
I have been living lately as if I'm a professional writer. I have a writing schedule,and I try to write something everyday. I read somewhere that a professional writer, writes even when he/she doesn't feel like writing. That was the case for me today. I swear I felt like my brain needed a laxative.

The words were stuck and the flow felt forced. I did my best to push through and managed somehow to squeeze out 1,300 words, but who knows how much of that will be deleted tomorrow morning?

This book started out so fluid and easy and now, 54 pages in, I feel I've it a wall. So what now, climb over or under? I have to get past this wall. I want to finish this book by the end of August. Does anyone have a sledge hammer?

need a new plan
pretty smile
So today is Monday, and yes I was suppose to wake up at 6 a.m. to start my new writing plan. Yeah, that didn't exactly work out, like not at all. I woke up at 9 a.m. to starving and overly demanding kidos, and a husband that wanted some coffee, ( yes the man can run a five star restaurant but when it come to making coffee at home, well he claims he doesn't know how,hmmm) and now I'm starting to pull lunch together for the whole clan, running a load of dishes and laundry...while holding unto the idea of getting 2000 words done at some point today.

Brother, I don't think the authors that get up at 5 workout then start their writing at 6 have little kids...or maybe I just stuck at manging my time.

It's so hard for me to wake up early right now, because it's still summer and my husband has been working nights, which means he doesn't get home until 1 a.m., and then he starts to talk about his day. Once I'm awake, it's very hard for me to fall back asleep.

So in short, I need a new plan, one that is more realistic for my lifestyle, maybe I shouldn't worry about a real schedule until school starts, in two weeks.

Hold on...that's the solution.

a change in title and attitude
pretty smile
About once a year, (oh, who am I kidding, it happens more times than I can count) I get this panic in my chest; a feeling like my insides are going to come pounding out, splitting open my rib cage, pouring with blood and guts exposing my exploding frantic heart! I had that feeling again last night.

It usually starts with me looking through my notes and goals for the upcoming fall. For whatever reason, fall is my more productive time of year, perhaps it's because the kids are back in school, and I figure if their working then I should be too. Only, this causes a lot of anxious moments of, what-if's and worry.

I worry that my ultimate best still won't be good enough, that another fall will pass without a "good enough" Ms is shop. I worry that Penelope will never be sold--that would break my heart forever--and that Gosserville remain unknown by all.

I fear that I'll have to someday, say enough, and get a real job, because let's face it finances are tight and my husband could use a real contributor, not a wife that keeps promising to help out, once her books are sold!! Yeah, the promises have been far and few between lately, I'm more realistic now, I only use the words hope and try my best now.

And I still do, maybe that's why the worry feels so real and urgent, because I still hold on to that dam hope, and I haven't given up trying and praying. I do hope that some day, one day soon, I too will be a published and paid author!!!

Oh, I feel that annoying pounding coming on again...

off track
pretty smile
Now that summer is coming to an end I need to buckle down and get back on track with my work. If my goal, (as usual) is to get published this year, well then I kind of need to finish my book first.

At the moment, Hello and Goodbye needs some structure work. I'm thinking of making it first peron, I believe Margret Ann, would be a much stronger character if she were doing all the talking and since the book is currently third person, told from her view point it shouldn't be too challenging to change it out; fingers crossed that statement proves true.

Stolen is giving me a lot of trouble, the middle of the plot is alluding me and so is the ending, I feel at a stand still with that one. I think I need to just take a quiet after noon and work out all the kinks then write it without worrying about the edits.

A huge problem I'm facing is this nagging voice that is growing louder everyday.
I tend to want to edit as I write, I'm paying way too close attention to my tense issues, and spelling as before a hurdle. For whatever reason, I don't have much trust in myself right now as a writer, a lot of self doubt has me questioning my abilities. It's not fun to fight with yourself, you never know who's winning!

stuck in summer mode
pretty smile
summer mode to me is no fun, my kids however are having a blast. We do activities everyday, I need a serious break. I haven't written in two weeks, which is driving me to want to pull out my hair. My work is so important to me, I wish my family could understand that and respect it more. I always wonder what it will be like once I'm published (by the way I hope wil happen this year) will they respect it then, they will have no choice I suppose. I'll have deadlines and there is always the extra incentive of a paycheck, more money means more fun times...true.

It's the in-between, trying my ultimate best to be a great mom, keep a spotless house, make my husband happy, and leave some part of the day for me, other than exercise. I don't know if I will ever be able to achieve everything on my list.

It seems to me that when I take away the exercise I can squeeze in some writing, but I rarely have time for both. Maybe, I need to start waking up earlier, and not be such a night owl. That will not be an easy change, but if it helps me accomplish my goal then it will be well worth it in the end.

I read about some authors that wake up everyday at 5, now that is just insane to me, but I may be able to pull off 6 or 6:30 to start. Ok, monday that's my goal, wake up at 6 and write for an hour or two, if I can start doing that everyday I think I will be happier with my writing. Fingers crossed, that I don't hit the snooze button.

summer is dragging
pretty smile
I usually love summer.

Everyday feels like Saturday, I have no real place to be and the pool is always open...what's not to love. But this summer, it feels like it's lasting forever. Maybe, because i have so much I want to accomplish. I need my kids in school to write. When they are home, I cannot get much done in terms of writing. They are constantly asking me to take them outside, watch a movie with them and just be with them...believe me, I love to hang with my kids but right now my brain is burning with ideas for my current stories.

I feel so torn right now.

I wish I could find some sort of balance with it all, make everyone happy...including myself.

pulling out my hair
pretty smile
why is it that kids these days, even with all of their crap, can never find something to do for more than five minutes?!

I swear, how on earth am I going to survive a whole summer of this constant need of activity? My wallet and my mind cannot take it another day longer.

Yesterday, went to the park, the pool, did a craft, watched a movie, made some popcorn, did another craft, played a board game, went to blockbuster, went out for ice cream, order a pizza, watched another movie, played the Wii, played DS, read a book, then bed!!!!

Today, a whole nother day of the same, only this time, real treat, I'm watching my neighbors boys for three hours!! UGH!

I have a book to finish another to edit and some research of agents, I do have a life somewhere buried under the endless needs and wants of my kids and their friends, HELP!


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